I WAS JUST WONDERING, LORD … what were You thinking about in
those days prior to Your death? Yes, I
know You are Deity … but I also know You resided in a form every bit as human
as mine. You wanted to know, to truly
understand the reason Your Father had sent You, overwhelming as it was. I know You felt every emotion that human-kind
has ever experienced, and that must have been cause for battles in Your
soul. I cannot even begin to fathom what
You must have felt. Here You were … the
Son of God … of royal lineage … Your Father, the Creator of the Universe ~ yet
none of that would keep You from the death You were facing; in fact it was because
of who You were, that it would take place.
And most amazing, is that You were obedient! I was just wondering, Lord … wasn’t it the
most difficult choice You’d ever make – to be obedient to what Your Father was
asking?
I WAS JUST WONDERING, LORD … what were You thinking about as
Your crucifixion neared? I know, by now,
it must have seemed like it was all out of Your hands. This was Your destiny, Your cross. Yet it only happened that way because of Your
submissiveness to the Will of Your Father in Heaven. You could have rebelled, even
refused. But You lived those days in
total abandonment for a cause that would change the face of the world for all
of Eternity. Your Father was on a mission
to destroy sin once and for all – but He needed You to pay the price. There’s always a price, isn’t there? And at this point in history, for a cause so
great, the payment also had to be great.
Your life ~ that was the price.
Did You ever wish there could be another way? I was just wondering, Lord … You were so
young, You had so much to offer; did You ever wish it could be someone else
going to that Cross?
I WAS JUST WONDERING, LORD … what were You thinking about as
Your time on earth was running out? You
had already made such a huge impact on people’s lives. You’d gone from village to village, teaching
and preaching, saving and healing, bringing hope and changing hearts. You left a trail of miracles, and You never
lost sight of the work Your Father had called You to do. Your days ran into nights, and the nights
into days. The crowds that followed You
… the hurting who sought You out … were never-ending streams of humanity. Yet You never quit. And as You walked the dusty roads with Your
disciples by Your side, You kept emphasizing Your message. You were “matter-of-fact”: (saying) “Embrace
this God-life. Really embrace it and
nothing will be too much for you. This
mountain, for instance: Just say, ‘Go
jump in the lake’ – no shuffling or shilly-shallying – and it’s as good as
done. That’s why I urge you to pray for
absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life,
and you’ll get God’s everything. And
when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it’s not all about asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive
– only then will Your Heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean
of sins.” Mark 11:22-26, (The
Message). God breathed His messages into
You … and You spoke them … You lived them.
But it couldn’t have been easy.
The religious leaders balked and demanded credentials; they even tried
to trick You. Some of the people didn’t
listen, and many didn’t understand. You
spoke in parables, keeping the Message as simple as possible, and told the
believers to stay at their post and to keep watch. But I was just wondering, Lord … did You ever
get discouraged when the Message seemed to fall on deaf ears? Or was Your focus so great that You saw
beyond the grave to the victory You would receive and bring to a world who
needed it so desperately?
I WAS JUST WONDERING, LORD … what were You thinking as Your
final days with Your family ebbed away like grains of sand in an
hourglass? You knew what lie ahead of
You. Did You just want to stay with
them? Your life had been taken in
countless directions, and “home” was now wherever You laid Your head. But there’s something about a family who
loves you and supports you. You must
have longed for simpler times like those moments You sat at Your mother’s knee
and listened to her sweet voice as she spoke in soft, gentle tones, stroking
You wavy hair and running her fingers across Your brow ~ making You feel, oh so
loved and so secure. And You must have
recalled those pleasant hours in the carpenter shop with Your earthly father,
watching as You learned from his gifted hands, and learning more than just that
skill; being taught by example – integrity, honesty, and kindness – which of
course, already dwelt within You in great measure. Oh, those days had been so safe, so
comfortable, until God began to enlarge Your circles and took You out into the
world He had sent You to save. A world
filled with anger and pride and evil, everywhere You turned. I was just wondering, Lord … did You ever
feel like Your heart was being torn apart, knowing that the separation from
Your family was near? Or did Your
devoted love for Your Father in Heaven transcend Your earthly attachments to
those You called mother and father, brother and sister?
I WAS JUST WONDERING, LORD … what
You were thinking when those nails ripped at Your flesh as You hung on that cross
at Calvary? I know You looked down at Your
mother and Your family, seeing the anguish in their faces. I know You looked down at the soldiers who
placed You in that precarious, painful position and saw their hatred and their
mockery. I know You looked down at Your
followers and saw them hanging onto the Hope that Your words had given them. But what else did You see, Jesus? Somehow I know You saw more than Your
surroundings on that hill. I know You
looked down through the ages as You hung there, blood and sweat-drops blurring
Your vision ~ but You saw with Your heart – multitudes of people needing
You. You saw nations of people that hadn’t
even been born yet … You saw us all ... and You saw the good and the bad in
us. You hung there and died for the bad
in us –because You knew, and we knew, it should have been us hanging there. But You chose to take our place. You hung there and died for the good in us –
because You saw the potential in us that we often don’t see until You bring it
to our attention. You chose to give us a
life that we all too often only dream of.
Did we break Your heart that day, not only because of our wretched, sinful
ways … but also because we are so needy ~ and because we don’t just reach out
and take all the gifts and the blessings You plan for us each day? You died so we could live ~ and not just
exist. With each beat of Your heart,
Your desire was for us to live life abundantly.
That’s why You came! I was just
wondering, Lord … do we break Your heart even now, because we just don’t get
it? Because we hang on to our stubborn
ways? Because we settle for less than
what You give?
My heart carries me back to Calvary, and I find myself standing
on that hill today, seeing something so different from the Scriptural accounts. What I see is what could have been – what should have been.
I see a never-ending line of crosses, as wide and long and as far as my
eyes can see. They cover every hill, and
are every bit as rough and splintered as Jesus’ cross ,, and each has a
sign. But these crosses don’t say “Jesus
the Nazarene, King of the Jews” ~ these are printed with large letters that
bear my name … “Debbie Jones” … and your name … and yes, your name, too. ALL of our names are there. There is a cross for every person from the
beginning of time until the end of time.
And on each cross, marked with our names … we hang. There I am, on my cross, paying the price,
dying for my sins. There you are, on
your cross, paying the price, dying for your sins. There we are, a sea of humanity, lost and
writhing in anguish of body and soul.
Suddenly, my eyes turn to that hill of all hills … Golgotha … it stands
out above the rest, and there on that mount looms the Cross of all crosses ~
and on it, I see Jesus hanging. I look
across from my cross on my hill and my eyes are transfixed on His eyes. Our gaze meets, and in that moment, I finally understand what I’ve known all along: that while He was on the Cross … I was on His
mind. (The words of that song keep going
through my mind!)
Without Him ever speaking a word, His eyes and heart speak
volumes of truth and forgiveness … and freedom and liberty to my heart. I knew what I had to do next. I wrenched myself down off that cross of
mine, and crept to the foot of His cross … and kneeling there, I found payment
for my debt that had put me on my cross.
I found salvation and healing, and every other gift I’ll ever need as
long as I live … and when I stood to my feet, I was a new person! All of my sin had been covered by those drops
of Jesus’ blood – and all of my weakness and all of my fears were covered by
that blood, as well. And I stood there,
forgiven and free … I stood there, knowing I was His child, His disciple. I stood there, knowing I would carry His
message for as long as He gave me breath!
I turned to face my empty cross, and to my utter amazement, they were
ALL empty; and as I watched, they just all disappeared from view! Gone.
Like they had never been there. I
turned once more to Jesus, and then I understood. It was as if those millions of crosses melted
into His ~ and then I could see it in His eyes ~ He had taken it all upon
Himself … all the ugly, horrible sin … mine and yours … and a million times a
million more sins, so that we would never have to be crucified … just set
free! All we had to do was say “yes” to
Him and His incredible, abundant life!
Well, I said “yes” to Jesus when I was just a little girl. BUT I WAS WONDERING, DEAR PEOPLE …what are
you thinking now as we again celebrate our crucified and risen Lord? Have you ever said “yes” to Him? If not, there’s no time like right now. Call me at (507) 363-2109 and I’ll be so
thrilled to pray with you! And then,
start living forgiven and free, and begin opening ALL those gifts He gave to
you on Calvary ~ there’s enough for each day of your life! Please don’t leave them unopened any
longer! Celebrate life … celebrate Life!
(revised from
“Ponderings from the Pastor’s Wife” as written by me on 3/26/01)
REMEMBER . . .
Jesus wants
you to believe His words of amazing love:
“I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palm of My
hands.”
~ Isaiah
49:15-16 (NRSV)
Joyfully Serving Christ . . .
Pastor Doug and Debbie
